Freedom

 How is it that something that came so easily for so long can be taken from us and become a wall we constantly run into? Every time we think we have let the wall fall, we quickly realize its actually still there, keeping us from being able to freely step forward; into using a gift God has given us. A gift we feel Him calling us into discovering more than before. What is it that keeps the walls around us from tumbling down? Maybe fear, doubt, failures, criticism, judgement, sometimes things we can't even identify. 

 I have had this wall in front of me for a number of years keeping me from writing. I have been on this cycle of thinking I could move past it. Feeling God calling me to use this gift, although I don't see it as a gift of talent but rather a gift of freedom to express what is happening, what God is doing and what I am learning through all of that. There have been times I feel this draw that pulls me to pen and paper but when I get there, something is blocking me from even the first word. For years now, this thing that stands in my way has been way too high, too insurmountable. 

However, last week in Tangier, God changed something in me. Through the women's Bible study that I prepared and lead, He spoke some much needed things to me; hope, encouragement, a reminder of His faithfulness and promises.
Haggai 2:9 ~ "The future glory of His Temple will be greater than its past glory, says the Lord of Heaven's Armies. And in this place I will bring peace, I, the Lord of Heaven's Armies, have spoken!" 
The Jews were trying to rebuild God's temple in Jerusalem when they returned from captivity. They had been more concerned with their own lives to worry about the temple and then when they did begin work, they looked back on what was and how beautiful the temple had been. They became discouraged that the future temple could never measure up to what was. But God promised to bless them for their obedience and that the future glory was going to be even greater than the past glory. 

In Isaiah 43:18 God says: "But forget all that" (the victory God brought to the Israelites over Babylon) "it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am going to do something new. See, I have already begun, do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

There's freedom in God's promises. He has proven himself faithful time and time again. We cannot stay stuck in the past, in what was, in doubt and fear that we will never measure up or the thought that God can't do immeasurably more than He did before. 

Going back to some messages we received from God as we stepped into our time in Haiti; we strive to live a life that demands an explanation and to live life wide awake. We can only do this if we fully surrender to His plan and follow Him so closely that we just know what He's calling us to. It starts with just one step.

So today is my first step. Not just in writing again, but there's something more God is calling me to. It's going to require more faith and I am sure I will see God's glory even more than before and I need to be able to write about it to bring more praise to His name!

I pray that if there is something standing in your way to what God is calling you to, that you allow His promises to tear down those walls giving you freedom to step in. 

Be Still

 I've noticed over the last several years that many people have a word of the year going into New Year's.  A word they feel they are to focus on, live by or strive to develop in themselves.  I'm not one of those people.  I'm not one to set New Year's resolutions either. It's just not something I've ever done.  This year though the phrase from Psalm 46:10, "Be still" was unexpectedly given to me by more than one person. I wasn't even looking for it.  The third time it came to me was on a prayer box my girls got me for Christmas, from TJ Max of all places.  They weren't specifically looking for that item or that phrase.  I decided by this time, I should probably pay attention because God must be trying to tell me something...

"Be Still"...what does that even mean? I used to think it meant slow down, you're doing too much.  We can be like that; doing so many things, sometimes all really good things.  Sometimes all God things.  But we can pile on so much that we lose the real purpose in it all and burn ourselves out.
When I realized God wanted me to grab hold of "Be still" for this season, I began wondering why.  What does it mean for me right now?  I sensed this urging to seek that out.  And what better way than with a new devotional entitled "Be Still"? So, the search began.  I spent days searching for the right devotional that would lead me to understanding.  But as I read each description and review, I couldn't settle on any particular study. What I found is that there are a lot of devotionals with pretty covers and the title "Be Still". They have a nice neat page for each day containing a scripture, thought and prayer for the day all tucked into this tidy little box of someone else's thoughts and understanding. I just couldn't settle on any that fit what I was feeling led to. What I discovered through this search is that God is asking me to be willing to go outside the lines and confines of a tidy little box. To sit in his presence, praise him, honor him, experience him, dig into his word and discover for myself what he is saying. Sometimes, it is helpful for us to see someone else's perspective and understanding but for me in this moment, God is calling me to read for myself what His word is speaking.  What He is speaking into my life. That is a little scary because I have relied on other's thoughts and understanding in devotionals for years. As a matter of fact, I rely heavily on my study bible to help me understand a lot of scripture.  

So far, I'm a week into sitting with God's word differently.  Reading and rereading.  Sitting in the quiet and stillness of His presence.  Writing what I sense God is saying to me each day.  Today, the scripture at the bottom of the page of my journal was Psalm 136. It is good to be reminded of what God has done for others, but what about all has he done in my life that has shown his faithful love. I rewrote this scripture replacing the "Give thanks to the Lord who..." with my own story. The times I've experienced God's faithfulness in my life.  His faithful love endures forever. He has been faithful over and over again in so many ways.  He has been faithful in times I had forgotten about as life goes on and gets busy. What a good reminder to me today~ He was faithful then, he'll be faithful now. 

Take time to listen and reflect on your Psalm 136:
Faithful Now by Vertical Worship

2020 Tree

2020 has been a tough road to say the least. Yesterday, our family went to cut down our Christmas Tree. This is a fun tradition, an outing we look forward to every year followed by an afternoon of decorating and Christmas music! The first place we went to was out of trees for the year...WHAT?? That has never happened in the history of Denlinger tree hunting! The second place, well let's just say there was not a lot to choose from. As we strolled through the open fields, we joked about the dilapidated, ugly, broken, underdeveloped trees that remained. Not to mention the numerous times one of us almost face-planted over the many stumps left from those who went before us. We were left with two choices; make the best of it and just pick one or drive 30 minutes in the opposite direction in hopes of something better. With a dog, 2 teens and 2 young adults in our midst, driving the 30 minutes was not the better option:)

The tree we settled on has some flaws; its height, shape, and the number of brown needles are the most obvious. When we got home and took a closer look, we saw more problems in this tree (as you can see from the side view below). But, thank goodness the problems and disappointments with this tree and the choices before us didn't overtake the beauty that can be made not just in the physical {tree from the front view below} itself but in the experiences and memories made. I am so thankful for the many blessings this year has brought despite the dilapidated, ugly, and broken things around us. It is all a matter of perspective. We can easily get caught up looking at things from the side view, only seeing the hard and get frustrated, impatient, angry, and critical. This day (and this year) reminded me to see beauty can come out of the disappointments and the unexpected. Sometimes none of the choices before us are favorable but blessing can be found. Let's choose to see the good, choose to see that God will make beauty from the ashes of 2020.

Side View

front view

so much beauty, no ashes here!  

So much laughter and so many memories made in one day!

WWJD - HWLF

While cyber shopping last night, Kylie showed me this new company she found called HWLF.  HWLF = He Would Love First. The idea came from the question WWJD - What Would Jesus Do.  You know, the bracelets that were so popular at one time.  They were meant to bring about conversation. To bring up questions by those who maybe didn't know Jesus so that hopefully the one wearing the bracelet could share Christ.  I think they were also meant to be a reminder to the person wearing the bracelet to try to respond in every situation they way Jesus would. The problem the young man who started HWLF found was the he often didn't know what Jesus would do and didn't know how to answer that question until he discovered that Jesus would always love people first. No matter where we are in life, what we are going through, what decisions we make Jesus always loves us first.  It's his first response. I love this message!

We live in a society where so many people judge, criticize and hate others for the simplest things.  People put themselves first; everything is acceptable as long as "it what makes me happy or feels right".  People are so busy worrying about themselves, their kids, and the schedules that they don't have time to think about WWJD for the neighbor right across the street. Me included.

Looking into this little company and its mission to answer the question WWJD has confirmed the very message God has been sending me lately through preparing for 12 Days of Loving our Community at Life House Church. As I  helped prepare for this church wide outreach that encourages people to love others for 12 days in December, the question kept coming to my mind, "what are you waiting for?". Why wait until day 2 tells me to love my neighbor? Why am I not being intentional about loving my neighbor on a regular basis when I know they are in need? Why am I not doing something special for a single mom I know right now instead of waiting for a calendar to tell me to? If HWLF, than I should love first.  I John 4:19 says "We love each other because he loved us first".  Not a new message.  Just a misplaced one. 

I wonder how many times we misplace messages from God.  When life gets busy and we get selfish or tired, when we take on too much, its easier to set the truths aside and do what's easy.  Eventually, we misplace them.  I constantly have this pile of papers and mail I don't have time or don't want to deal with in the moment sitting on the corner of my dining room table.  When I need something I have to go digging through the pile hoping its there.  Every now and then I get tired of seeing this pile grow taller and taller so I sort through it. Sometimes, I am surprised at what I once knew was there but forgot about as life got busier and time passed on. So how often do we pile up messages from God to deal with later when we aren't so busy? How many of these messages become misplaced or even forgotten?

HWLF is a simple message we should not set aside for later when its convenient.  Because HWLF, we should love first.  I'm going to be intentional about loving others through 12 days of Loving our Community this December, but I desire to strive to not let it stop there.  I want this to launch me into keeping this message at the forefront of my thinking.  (Maybe I also need to set a goal about this paper stacking as well). I'm going to need a lot of help here. I'm going to need to daily ask God to remind me. I'm going to need others to hold me accountable.  

If we love first, we may just see a movement in our community, our nation, and a our world! We may just see God bringing people to himself! I believe God wants to do more with 2020 and significantly more with 2021!

Unexpected Places

Some days I like quiet while I'm working, some days its music, and some days I enjoy listening to podcasts.  Today, I was trimming brush on the farm casually listening to the Jesus Calling Podcast where Anthony Evans was sharing a bit of his life and experiences.  Anthony was on the voice season 2 and has since been leading worship and creating music.  He also authored the book, Unexpected Places.  I plan to read his book, but he shared a bit of his thoughts in the podcast. Anthony talked about discovering his own identity, gifts, and calling.  In Unexpected Places, He talks through "what it is God is asking me to do that is outside my box or my comfort zone". 
I am already in my Unexpected Place with Last Arrow.  But I was really challenged with this thought of being obedient and patient in the process.  Being obedient  through the hard, not being fearful of what God is going to ask me to do because on the other side of that, there is something great coming.
For the last few months, Last Arrow Ranch has been in a "waiting" period.  I know we are on the verge of something great.  God is currently working on some things we are not even aware of.
As I walk this property daily praying over it, for whatever God wants to use it for, I sense some amazing things where people experience healing, grace, hope, and ultimately God's love.

So the big challenge is not being fearful in such a way that could keep me where I am. God is not stationary.  He is always moving and its up to me to move with him.  Following wherever he leads me and into whatever Unexpected Place he takes me next.


Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Anyone want to join me in reading Unexpected Places????

1st Anniversary!

This month, we reached our 1 year anniversary of Last Arrow Ranch being open for business!  It has been a gradual start which has turned out to be a really good thing.  I have learned a lot as we have made our way through camps, lessons with kids and teens, and even with some ladies that have experience with horses and now that their kids are grown want to step back in.  We hope that this second year grows a bit but we already feel very blessed.

In September 2013 as we were looking for land where this dream could potentially become a reality there were a few verses I jotted down in my journal. Two years later we purchased this property but  these are verses that remain true and continue to be a prayer as we step in.
~Psalm 37:4-5 take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires.  Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust Him and He will help you.
Vs 7 Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for him to act.

Since we began, we have experienced some pretty cool things.  I don't call this ranch a therapeutic riding program, but I have experienced something very healthy going on here.  There are little miracles happening that really matter.  I think I would be doing God a disservice if I didn't share the things HE is doing here.  He deserves the praise!  HE deserves the honor!  I have seen HIM working already, I can't wait to see what more he will do as I fully step in.  Not many people blog anymore, but I hope this is a place stories can be shared and prayer requests & praises can be lifted.

Sometimes in life, we get stuck.  We get stuck in the same job, same routine, same lack of doing the things we swear we will get to.  Why is that?  Why is it so difficult to move forward sometimes?
For me, a lot of times, its fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of judgement and criticism (trust me, I have had my fill of both in the last 8 years).  Fear of not being qualified or capable.  Just fear.  Something I have tried to overcome and maybe at times have conquered but can't completely seem to kick.  I'm sure there are many bible verses and songs that can be thrown at me telling me not to fear and to just trust.  I have seen God do amazing things when I am able to trust Him in my fear.  Yet, it resurfaces.

We challenged our teams that came to Haiti to not only serve while in Haiti but to allow that time to open their eyes, minds, and hearts to the dream God had for their lives.  We believe everyone was created with a gift to share with the world and it is our desire for people to discover that gift and be open to how it can be shared with others.   It really was through encouraging teams to seek this for themselves that I began to discover my gifts more and really be open to allowing God to bring my gifts and the things I am passionate about together.  In 2012, before we even moved back from Haiti, I began to think through; what if horses and at risk kids & teens could do something together.
What if...

My husband being the visionary that he is took these initial ideas and has been awesome in creating buildings and space for this to happen.  I have to admit though, fear has crept in.  It sometimes just paralyzes me to the point of being stuck.  "What if I don't know enough? What if I'm not prepared?  What if I fail?  What if my experience isn't enough?"  These are the thoughts that sometimes make it easy to make excuses to stay where I am, on the safety of the shore.
Pastor, speaker, author, Erwin McManus in his book, The Last Arrow,  challenges people to leave nothing undone in this life, to live without fear and regret.   Erwin has put a challenge out to be battle ready and to never surrender or settle.
So here we are 5 years later on this amazing property we have been so blessed with. We have done a ton of work and we still have a ton to do.   But, had we started with an established property or a blank slate, it wouldn't be representative of the brokenness and rebuilding that we know we will journey through with people of all walks of life if we allow God to use our gifts and offer them to Him, for His glory. Its up to me to not allow fear and doubt to keep me where I am, but to lay it all out there and step off the safety of the shore.  I want to leave this life with no regrets.  I want to leave nothing undone.