2020 Tree

2020 has been a tough road to say the least. Yesterday, our family went to cut down our Christmas Tree. This is a fun tradition, an outing we look forward to every year followed by an afternoon of decorating and Christmas music! The first place we went to was out of trees for the year...WHAT?? That has never happened in the history of Denlinger tree hunting! The second place, well let's just say there was not a lot to choose from. As we strolled through the open fields, we joked about the dilapidated, ugly, broken, underdeveloped trees that remained. Not to mention the numerous times one of us almost face-planted over the many stumps left from those who went before us. We were left with two choices; make the best of it and just pick one or drive 30 minutes in the opposite direction in hopes of something better. With a dog, 2 teens and 2 young adults in our midst, driving the 30 minutes was not the better option:)

The tree we settled on has some flaws; its height, shape, and the number of brown needles are the most obvious. When we got home and took a closer look, we saw more problems in this tree (as you can see from the side view below). But, thank goodness the problems and disappointments with this tree and the choices before us didn't overtake the beauty that can be made not just in the physical {tree from the front view below} itself but in the experiences and memories made. I am so thankful for the many blessings this year has brought despite the dilapidated, ugly, and broken things around us. It is all a matter of perspective. We can easily get caught up looking at things from the side view, only seeing the hard and get frustrated, impatient, angry, and critical. This day (and this year) reminded me to see beauty can come out of the disappointments and the unexpected. Sometimes none of the choices before us are favorable but blessing can be found. Let's choose to see the good, choose to see that God will make beauty from the ashes of 2020.

Side View

front view

so much beauty, no ashes here!  

So much laughter and so many memories made in one day!

WWJD - HWLF

While cyber shopping last night, Kylie showed me this new company she found called HWLF.  HWLF = He Would Love First. The idea came from the question WWJD - What Would Jesus Do.  You know, the bracelets that were so popular at one time.  They were meant to bring about conversation. To bring up questions by those who maybe didn't know Jesus so that hopefully the one wearing the bracelet could share Christ.  I think they were also meant to be a reminder to the person wearing the bracelet to try to respond in every situation they way Jesus would. The problem the young man who started HWLF found was the he often didn't know what Jesus would do and didn't know how to answer that question until he discovered that Jesus would always love people first. No matter where we are in life, what we are going through, what decisions we make Jesus always loves us first.  It's his first response. I love this message!

We live in a society where so many people judge, criticize and hate others for the simplest things.  People put themselves first; everything is acceptable as long as "it what makes me happy or feels right".  People are so busy worrying about themselves, their kids, and the schedules that they don't have time to think about WWJD for the neighbor right across the street. Me included.

Looking into this little company and its mission to answer the question WWJD has confirmed the very message God has been sending me lately through preparing for 12 Days of Loving our Community at Life House Church. As I  helped prepare for this church wide outreach that encourages people to love others for 12 days in December, the question kept coming to my mind, "what are you waiting for?". Why wait until day 2 tells me to love my neighbor? Why am I not being intentional about loving my neighbor on a regular basis when I know they are in need? Why am I not doing something special for a single mom I know right now instead of waiting for a calendar to tell me to? If HWLF, than I should love first.  I John 4:19 says "We love each other because he loved us first".  Not a new message.  Just a misplaced one. 

I wonder how many times we misplace messages from God.  When life gets busy and we get selfish or tired, when we take on too much, its easier to set the truths aside and do what's easy.  Eventually, we misplace them.  I constantly have this pile of papers and mail I don't have time or don't want to deal with in the moment sitting on the corner of my dining room table.  When I need something I have to go digging through the pile hoping its there.  Every now and then I get tired of seeing this pile grow taller and taller so I sort through it. Sometimes, I am surprised at what I once knew was there but forgot about as life got busier and time passed on. So how often do we pile up messages from God to deal with later when we aren't so busy? How many of these messages become misplaced or even forgotten?

HWLF is a simple message we should not set aside for later when its convenient.  Because HWLF, we should love first.  I'm going to be intentional about loving others through 12 days of Loving our Community this December, but I desire to strive to not let it stop there.  I want this to launch me into keeping this message at the forefront of my thinking.  (Maybe I also need to set a goal about this paper stacking as well). I'm going to need a lot of help here. I'm going to need to daily ask God to remind me. I'm going to need others to hold me accountable.  

If we love first, we may just see a movement in our community, our nation, and a our world! We may just see God bringing people to himself! I believe God wants to do more with 2020 and significantly more with 2021!

Unexpected Places

Some days I like quiet while I'm working, some days its music, and some days I enjoy listening to podcasts.  Today, I was trimming brush on the farm casually listening to the Jesus Calling Podcast where Anthony Evans was sharing a bit of his life and experiences.  Anthony was on the voice season 2 and has since been leading worship and creating music.  He also authored the book, Unexpected Places.  I plan to read his book, but he shared a bit of his thoughts in the podcast. Anthony talked about discovering his own identity, gifts, and calling.  In Unexpected Places, He talks through "what it is God is asking me to do that is outside my box or my comfort zone". 
I am already in my Unexpected Place with Last Arrow.  But I was really challenged with this thought of being obedient and patient in the process.  Being obedient  through the hard, not being fearful of what God is going to ask me to do because on the other side of that, there is something great coming.
For the last few months, Last Arrow Ranch has been in a "waiting" period.  I know we are on the verge of something great.  God is currently working on some things we are not even aware of.
As I walk this property daily praying over it, for whatever God wants to use it for, I sense some amazing things where people experience healing, grace, hope, and ultimately God's love.

So the big challenge is not being fearful in such a way that could keep me where I am. God is not stationary.  He is always moving and its up to me to move with him.  Following wherever he leads me and into whatever Unexpected Place he takes me next.


Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Anyone want to join me in reading Unexpected Places????

1st Anniversary!

This month, we reached our 1 year anniversary of Last Arrow Ranch being open for business!  It has been a gradual start which has turned out to be a really good thing.  I have learned a lot as we have made our way through camps, lessons with kids and teens, and even with some ladies that have experience with horses and now that their kids are grown want to step back in.  We hope that this second year grows a bit but we already feel very blessed.

In September 2013 as we were looking for land where this dream could potentially become a reality there were a few verses I jotted down in my journal. Two years later we purchased this property but  these are verses that remain true and continue to be a prayer as we step in.
~Psalm 37:4-5 take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires.  Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust Him and He will help you.
Vs 7 Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for him to act.

Since we began, we have experienced some pretty cool things.  I don't call this ranch a therapeutic riding program, but I have experienced something very healthy going on here.  There are little miracles happening that really matter.  I think I would be doing God a disservice if I didn't share the things HE is doing here.  He deserves the praise!  HE deserves the honor!  I have seen HIM working already, I can't wait to see what more he will do as I fully step in.  Not many people blog anymore, but I hope this is a place stories can be shared and prayer requests & praises can be lifted.

Sometimes in life, we get stuck.  We get stuck in the same job, same routine, same lack of doing the things we swear we will get to.  Why is that?  Why is it so difficult to move forward sometimes?
For me, a lot of times, its fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of judgement and criticism (trust me, I have had my fill of both in the last 8 years).  Fear of not being qualified or capable.  Just fear.  Something I have tried to overcome and maybe at times have conquered but can't completely seem to kick.  I'm sure there are many bible verses and songs that can be thrown at me telling me not to fear and to just trust.  I have seen God do amazing things when I am able to trust Him in my fear.  Yet, it resurfaces.

We challenged our teams that came to Haiti to not only serve while in Haiti but to allow that time to open their eyes, minds, and hearts to the dream God had for their lives.  We believe everyone was created with a gift to share with the world and it is our desire for people to discover that gift and be open to how it can be shared with others.   It really was through encouraging teams to seek this for themselves that I began to discover my gifts more and really be open to allowing God to bring my gifts and the things I am passionate about together.  In 2012, before we even moved back from Haiti, I began to think through; what if horses and at risk kids & teens could do something together.
What if...

My husband being the visionary that he is took these initial ideas and has been awesome in creating buildings and space for this to happen.  I have to admit though, fear has crept in.  It sometimes just paralyzes me to the point of being stuck.  "What if I don't know enough? What if I'm not prepared?  What if I fail?  What if my experience isn't enough?"  These are the thoughts that sometimes make it easy to make excuses to stay where I am, on the safety of the shore.
Pastor, speaker, author, Erwin McManus in his book, The Last Arrow,  challenges people to leave nothing undone in this life, to live without fear and regret.   Erwin has put a challenge out to be battle ready and to never surrender or settle.
So here we are 5 years later on this amazing property we have been so blessed with. We have done a ton of work and we still have a ton to do.   But, had we started with an established property or a blank slate, it wouldn't be representative of the brokenness and rebuilding that we know we will journey through with people of all walks of life if we allow God to use our gifts and offer them to Him, for His glory. Its up to me to not allow fear and doubt to keep me where I am, but to lay it all out there and step off the safety of the shore.  I want to leave this life with no regrets.  I want to leave nothing undone.

Becoming

BECOME...
It has been almost 3 years since I've written here.
We went from sharing so much of our lives pre-Haiti and during our 3 years living in Haiti to keeping things pretty quietly to ourselves.  One would have thought transition to living in a third world country to be very difficult and it was, but nothing in comparison to the transition back to first world living.  We have found that processing this part of our lives better to keep to sharing with very few.  This transition isn't something that is easy to explain, but we have discovered that others who have come back from international work experience the same things, so there is a norm within a world of confusion and question.
At the end of our time living in Haiti, I can remember saying to Max that our years in Haiti were mostly for learning.  We learned so much about ourselves, faith, culture, people, trust, and more.  So much of what we shared here on this blog while we were in Haiti full time was what we were experiencing and learning, but we found it difficult to put into words what we were experiencing and learning on our return.
While in Haiti, we really encouraged those coming to serve with us that they would AWAKEN or BECOME who God desired them to be and to experience the dream God had for each of them.  What we didn't realize at the time was that we were also BECOMING.
In looking back, I discovered that before we left for Haiti, Jeff asked our pastor to pray for us as a family to BECOME...BECOME the people that God created us to be, BECOME the people that fulfill the dream that He has for each of our lives.  Jeff wrote a blog post about it here:  Become
When we moved back from Haiti, we were left with all we had learned, lived, and experienced and translating that into relearning how to live in the U.S. ~ "how do we live differently based on all we brought back with us?"  was a question we continued to ask ourselves over and over.
In some ways, we do live differently now than we did before living in Haiti.  We see things through a new set of lenses.  We live with different priorities.  We make decisions differently.  But we have not arrived.
One thing is certain, we were BECOMING while in Haiti, but we continued to learn and BECOME after our return.  Even now we are still BECOMING.  We are closer, but we are still BECOMING the people that God created us to be. Closer but still BECOMING people that desire to fulfill the dream that he has for each of our lives.
While we are still very involved with Haiti and AWAKENHAITI, God is preparing us to add new adventures to take us one step closer to the dream he has for us.  One step closer to BECOMING.

As Jeff ended his blog post, this prayer remains today:
"My prayer for myself, my family, and you is that we all fulfill the dream God has for our lives, that we play our part in His story and do our best to keep adding people to it."

Stephanie

Just a few months after the sponsorship program with Good Samaritan and AWAKENHAITI began in 2008, Jeff and I had intended on sponsoring a new little girl who had just come to the girls home along with Gamaelle who we were already sponsoring.  This new little girl was 4 (the same age as our Brooke), all kinds of cute and huggie and in need of a lot of love.  After spending the week with the kids though, we felt drawn to the 17 year old with attitude.  Not really knowing why, we decided we would sponsor her so we explained to her before we left for our comfy home that we would be her sponsor.  Little did we know just how uncomfortable, yet rewarding this would become.  She was happy but skeptical.
The first few months of living in Haiti, Stephanie was rarely around, had a ton of attitude, and wasn't very kind.  We opened our home to her for a weekend when there was a team just two months into our 3 years.  While she laughed and had a great time, it was evident there was a facade.  Stephanie came to church with us that Sunday with very limited English, but she asked if she could come back every Sunday with us.
Over the course of the following 5 months, Stephanie came to our home on weekends and came to church with us.  Sometimes, I have to admit, I was impatient, I didn't have another ounce of myself to give, but slowly this broken young lady began to trust.  As she began to unload on me the pain, hurt, brokenness, mistakes, and heartache, God began to strip her raw of all the walls and facades around her.  She laid it all out there beginning with the murder of her mom when she was just 6 years old.  She never was able to grieve.  It took months of crying out to God, me praying with her, Jeff and our kids loving and accepting her, our team members encouraging her and making her laugh, and Max and Margarette giving a second chance, but slowly healing began.
She has loved to sing since she was little and those of you who have heard her sing know she can.  She  asked me if she would be able to sing in the worship team at church about a year and a half ago, but it never happened and the truth is, I don't think she was ready spiritually.
Three years together, there were many lessons learned both for her and us.  Disappointments, frustrations, blessings, celebrations.  Many times, I prayed that God would equip me as I didn't have a clue how to help someone through what this child has been through.  He continued to remind me to just love her.
This girl is one determined young lady.  She has since excelled in school becoming the first in the Good Samaritan Homes to graduate high school.  She is in her second year of nursing school learning a ton and pushing her way past 3rd year students in the clinic work.  She is bossy, moody, fun-loving, competitive, beautiful, and healed by the grace of God!
Leaving her last summer not knowing if she was really ready to not have her blan (white) mom there with her was difficult, but God had her in the palm of his hand.
When I returned to Haiti in October, I was surprised to hear she had continued to attend Port-au-Prince Fellowship by herself every Sunday.  She had no family or friends of her own there.  Her English is excellent now and she loves the teaching!  I noticed so much growth in her.
On my visit in March, there was an announcement for worship team auditions and she was encouraged by several of us who have heard her sing to try out.  Part of the try out was explaining her faith and what she believes about Christianity.
I'm so proud to say that yesterday was Stephanie's first Sunday singing at PAP Fellowship!
Thank you to her other sponsor, Kim and to the transition sponsors who help make it possible for Stephanie to attend university, to the many team members who loved her when she needed it most, to Max and Margarette for not giving up on her.  Her story is not finished yet, God is still writing it, but  Praise God for the healing and redemption in her life!

Stephanie (white shirt)