Thursday, October 15, 2009

our story of transformation

Our Story of Transformation
By Jeff and Deb Denlinger

Being “uncomfortable” is a quote I have heard over and over again this past year. Jeff and I have been listening to a variety of sermons and pastors and the theme of God not wanting us to be comfortable kept resurfacing. It makes sense now why I was feeling uncomfortable when for the first two years (2005 and 2006) we lived in our brand new house (the garage is literally the size of the main living area of our last house), we hosted a Christmas party for all of our friends and I felt “uncomfortable”. We spent a bunch of money and time and it left me feeling somewhat empty and I can remember asking myself “what is this for? Our friends aren’t in need and we could have done something else with that money and time”. Unbeknownst to me this was the beginning of a journey of transformation. Over the course of the next two years I was reading the book “If you want to walk on Water, You’ve got to Get Out of the Boat” by John Ortberg. I felt this stirring in me that was inexplicable. I would tell Jeff and a few of my close friends that I knew God was preparing me for something big and many times I would hear myself saying “I just don’t know if what I’m doing here is enough, it isn’t making enough of a difference in people’s lives or for God’s kingdom”. I began telling God that I was ready to step out of my boat, but I didn’t know what water I was stepping onto. I thought I was ready. God knew I wasn’t. I continued on in prayer seeking what God was leading us to do.
In June of 2008 I had the privilege of taking a short term mission trip to the country of Haiti. I had no idea how my life was about to change when I stepped off of the plane into a world where physical impoverishment is prevalent and spiritual dependence is real. My inward thinking was about to be challenged, my small world was about to be enlarged, my eyes were about to be opened, and my heart was going to feel love and compassion like never before.
I went on this trip to help fix a roof of a school that educates over 400 kids. While we were there we visited and spent a large part of our free time with an orphanage called Good Samaritan. By the end of the week God gave me a glimpse of the love and compassion He has for these thirty special children. I had the desire to do whatever I could to help them reach their full potential in Christ.
Myself and four other guys came home and started a partnership with Good Samaritan. Within six weeks we had almost all of the kids sponsored with twenty two additional families. I took great pleasure in knowing that I was a part of getting thirty kids in Haiti fed everyday and giving them an opportunity to get an education, not realizing at the time what God really had planned for me and my family.
As Jeff prepared to go on his first trip to Haiti, I was searching God. Shouldn’t I be the one going? After all, every trip our church has taken to Haiti has been ministering to children and that is my area of gifting. Jeff had no experience with young kids other than our own nor did he feel comfortable with them. No, God said no, you should not go. I stayed behind, but knew that when Jeff returned, we would know if this was what God had been nudging us for.
Jeff came back a different person. Upon hearing some of the things Jeff experienced and the way he responded to them, I was overcome with peace, a peace that only comes from God. I still didn’t know what that meant for me, how I would be involved, how often we would go to Haiti, how I would continue in my position at the church overseeing the Early Childhood department and how our kids would be involved. I would have liked to have seen the road map at that time, but God doesn’t work like that.
A few months later, I felt God calling me out of my job and ministry to young children at our church. As I left there, I really began searching God for my purpose and place in the ministry we would do in Haiti. I then began preparing for my first trip to Haiti to help run our VBS program and to meet the kids at the Good Samaritan Orphanage.
I saw so many heart breaking things while I was there, but the few that really impacted me were the living conditions and homelessness of so many, the desperation of young mothers trying to take care of their babies or wanting to give them up just to have a better life, but most importantly, I saw the Christians there just worshipping God with all they had and I saw a faith in them that we don’t see here in America very often. As I returned to our life in America, I was just heartbroken for so many and again cried out to God to find my place in this. What difference could I possibly make?
By January of 2009 I was already back to Haiti twice. Each time coming home felt a lot less like “Coming Home”. Being in the construction business, my partner and I took most of the winter off. It was during that time that myself, Deb, and two of our friends started listening to sermons (through podcasts) and reading books from a number of Pastors who’s churches seemed to be very outwardly focused. One particular Pastor really challenged me to get alone with the Bible and read it like never before. As I did, I was amazed how much Jesus and His teachings grabbed me and opened my heart to the Holy Spirit. What I always strived for didn’t seem to matter anymore. I prayed that God would give me His eyes, His understanding, His compassion, His love, and His desire for my life.
In April Deb and I took a team of seven others down to Haiti for a short term mission trip and to spend time with their sponsor child. While we were there we got the privilege of rescuing a child off the streets whose parents were killed and was sleeping behind a garage on the concrete. We helped give him a place to live and an education by getting him placed in our orphanage. I don’t know if there was any other time in my life that I was more of a reflection of Jesus than in that moment. It was then that the idea of moving to Haiti became very real.
Upon returning to America I went into planning mode of how “I” was going to make this happen. Even though my intentions were good, I was still being dependent on myself for the outcome. It was like I was trying to write a book and just treating Jesus as one of the supporting characters.

For me, our trip to Haiti in April was God showing me the burden I had for kids living on the street or in abusive slavery situations, and again I saw young mothers trying to give their babies away because of this cycle of poverty and lack of education, and for young adults just trying to make it into a world where there is so little opportunity for education/training and even with training, so little opportunity for earning a living just to provide a home and food.
I saw God at work through several people while we were rescuing little Richard from the streets through details unfolding right in front of us. God revealed to me that it wasn’t just about what I was able to do to help or what I planned, but what I trusted Him to do through me and others to make a difference a little at a time.
As we returned home this time, the “uncomfortable” feeling resurfaced again. Jeff and I knew we were living too comfortably. I could hear God saying “I have given you all of these material blessings. Now what will you do with them? Keep them for yourselves or give them up for Me and those in need?”
As July was approaching we were preparing to go back to Haiti for another nine days. Two weeks before we were going to leave, I felt that God was prompting me to fast for seven days. I’ve never fasted for more than a day, (which by the way was twenty years ago when I was in Youth Group and we had a pizza party afterwards) so leading up to it I wasn’t really sure how it was going to go but felt it was something I needed to do. Through it, God revealed a lot to me. Here is my Journal entry from day seven.
Wednesday, July 1st 2009 (day seven)
“Well in an hour and a half my fast is over. I’m not really sure how I feel about it ending. Today I felt strong, alert, energetic, and not at all hungry. Maybe this is God’s way of telling me that He is ALL I need. I’ve been seeking clarity of how to handle this vision that God has given me. I think that God has given me everything we have to see if I’m willing to give it ALL back and be completely dependent on Him. Is that it? Is that why I’m not feeling weak, discouraged, and desperate? I should be but I’m not. I’ve not eaten a thing, nothing at all for seven days and I feel great. I’ve worked hard all week, and I feel completely fine.”
Maybe God is ALL I need. If He wants it all back, He can have it. It was His to begin with. I’m ashamed that it’s taken me this long to realize it’s not about me and my own capabilities but it’s about recognizing that the Holy Spirit dwells within me. My job is to unleash Its power to help further the Kingdom of God and be a reflection of Christ to this broken world.
Lord my prayer is to be that reflection of you, please make your desires for my life be my own.
Amen.
So as I sit here writing to you, that is precisely what I’m trying to do. Stop being the author of my story and writing Jesus in when it’s convenient for me. Stop relying on my own strength and be completely dependent on God. And stop just feeling love and compassion for others and make it my mission.



As I began to think about our next scheduled trip to Haiti, I felt God nudging me to fast. I committed 1 day a week for 5 weeks to fast and really seek to follow Jesus. Through prayer and reading scripture, I really began seeing Jesus’ heart for the poor and needy. My desire to follow Christ and love as He loved became evident through this time. I want to step outside of myself and my desires to share Christ’s love with others. I am ready to “step out of my boat” and “walk on water”. As I wrote my prayer on June 17, 2009, I committed everything to Christ.
My prayer reads:
“While on one hand, I am scared, intimidated, and anxious about going to Haiti, on the other hand, I have a sense of peace, home, and trust in you God. I give up all we have to follow you Jesus…even if it is to Haiti. The song “It is well with my soul” comes to mind. Jesus, everything I have, it is yours. Everything I love, it is yours. Everything I am, it is yours. Help me to remain faithful to this. Amen”
While our journey has been somewhat separate and a bit different, God has brought us to the same place. We are in the process of selling our home and the possessions we don’t need and moving with our three children to Haiti. We expect that the Haitian people will bless us immensely as we serve them and share the love of Christ with them. This decision was made not without some fear and anxiety, but in boldness and confidence that its success is not dependent on us but the immeasurable power of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.

2 comments:

  1. okay..i am the first to comment, wahoo!! just wanted to let you know that your blog has been officially added to my "favorites" in the category "haiti blogs and websites"

    luvuguys!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am eagerly looking forward to following your blog, your journey, your transformation. It's amazing and very exciting. God bless you, Denlinger Family, and be well.

    ReplyDelete