It had been two months since I had visited Suzette. How had it gone that long? With staff changes, I was unable to go to Canaan between teams because I needed to pour all of that time into homeschooling. Unfortunately, in May, our clinics ran too late in the day and we just didn't get there. I say all of that because I had no idea what I would find after not seeing Suzette for that long. I was afraid of what I might find.
As soon as I stepped into Suzette's home, she welcomed me as usual from her mat, not able to sit completely upright. She was determined to point out to me over and over how much weight she had lost by pinching the sagging skin on her arms. There's no longer much between the skin and bone. She also proceeded to show me where she is having pain and the swelling in the lower part of her legs.
She can't sit upright because it is too painful. She can only find a little comfort in laying on her one side in fetal position. She is still caring for her 10 month old granddaughter, Naika while the 16 year old mother goes to school and is gone most of the rest of the time. Naika will soon be walking. Physically, Suzette won't be able to care for her much longer. In her spirit though, Naika is probably one of the things that keeps her going. She loves her so much!
Suzette remains more concerned for her broken family than her physical brokenness. Broken because they don't know her savior. Her heart aches for them. Her heart aches for her son's family who get by on very little while he is hours away trying to find work to support them. It's unclear if he really wants to live with them but he is trying to provide. But God knows all of this and will provide what is needed.
All this brokenness and hurt surrounding Suzette. Yet her spirit is strong. She clings to God's promises. She can feel Him so close, even more when she is at her worst. When the pain gets to be too much, she turns to Him. As I reflect on the conversation, one sentence continues to replay in my mind; "when the pain gets worse, I pray and it lessens". I was reminded of Isaiah 40:31: "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint".
I only weep for her physical condition because there is hope. Hope for eternity with her God whether her healing is here on earth or in heaven. If she lacked this hope, there would be weeping for her soul. I weep because I think "God, enough is enough, when is it enough?" As her body gets weaker, her soul gains strength. So there must be purpose to this suffering.
In her weakness, she is strong and still teaches me and many others what true faith is. Perhaps that's the most beautiful part.
Keep praying!
I can't post the picture from last week because I feel like I would be disrespecting her. Instead I want you to see her how she will be when her suffering is done. On earth or in heaven.
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| October 2011 |
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| April 2012 |
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