Suzette

     I've been searching for the words.  Words that can describe time with Suzette last week.  I'm not sure I can find them now, but I know many of you think about her and pray for her.
     It had been two months since I had visited Suzette.  How had it gone that long?  With staff changes, I was unable to go to Canaan between teams because I needed to pour all of that time into homeschooling.  Unfortunately, in May, our clinics ran too late in the day and we just didn't get there.  I say all of that because I had no idea what I would find after not seeing Suzette for that long.  I was afraid of what I might find.
     As soon as I stepped into Suzette's home, she welcomed me as usual from her mat, not able to sit completely upright.  She was determined to point out to me over and over how much weight she had lost by pinching the sagging skin on her arms.  There's no longer much between the skin and bone.  She also proceeded to show me where she is having pain and the swelling in the lower part of her legs.
     She can't sit upright because it is too painful.  She can only find a little comfort in laying on her one side in fetal position.  She is still caring for her 10 month old granddaughter, Naika while the 16 year old mother goes to school and is gone most of the rest of the time.  Naika will soon be walking.  Physically, Suzette won't be able to care for her much longer.  In her spirit though, Naika is probably one of the things that keeps her going.  She loves her so much!
     Suzette remains more concerned for her broken family than her physical brokenness.  Broken because they don't know her savior.   Her heart aches for them.  Her heart aches for her son's family who get by on very little while he is hours away trying to find work to support them.  It's unclear if he really wants to live with them but he is trying to provide.  But God knows all of this and will provide what is needed.
     All this brokenness and hurt surrounding Suzette.  Yet her spirit is strong.  She clings to God's promises.  She can feel Him so close, even more when she is at her worst.  When the pain gets to be too much, she turns to Him.    As I reflect on the conversation, one sentence continues to replay in my mind; "when the pain gets worse, I pray and it lessens".  I was reminded of Isaiah 40:31:  "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint".
     I only weep for her physical condition because there is hope.  Hope for eternity with her God whether her healing is here on earth or in heaven.  If she lacked this hope, there would be weeping for her soul.  I weep because I think "God, enough is enough, when is it enough?"  As her body gets weaker, her soul gains strength.   So there must be purpose to this suffering.
In her weakness, she is strong and still teaches me and many others what true faith is.  Perhaps that's the most beautiful part.
Keep praying!

I can't post the picture from last week because I feel like I would be disrespecting her.  Instead I want you to see her how she will be when her suffering is done.  On earth or in heaven.

October 2011

April 2012

A new view on flash floods

I've been commenting over the past few weeks how weird the weather has been this year.  Our hometown in PA has had unusual weather with a warm winter and then an extended winter to days in April with highs in the 40's (F.)  Strange.  Here, rainy season didn't seem to be coming.  Strange We hadn't really seen the torrential downpours we normally would see this time of year...until this week.

I put off my normal Wednesday visit to the girls home this week due to early afternoon showers which I feared could turn into heavier rain.  Nope.  I still am not completely accustomed to the idea that we don't  go anywhere when it rains.  It's like a big snowstorm back home.
So, yesterday (Thursday) with clear blue skies, I set off for my visit to the girls.  After being there for about 30 minutes, I sat down with a few girls doing each other's hair.  Amongst the chatter, one of the girls points out to me that it was beginning to rain.  Immediately, I began saying goodbye to them all, still feeling a bit out of sorts insisting I must go as the skies above the girls' home was still sunny while the rain began to fall.  The view over the mountain I was heading toward, however was nothing but one huge gray mass.
The biggest problem with being at the girls home when it rains isn't what happens at their house or ours, it's what happens on the roads in between.  These back roads at the top of large hills create streams and rivers carrying dirt, rocks, debris, trash and who knows what else.  Last year, after 4 days of heavy rain, I drove to the girls home to find someone's property gate had been carried away.  At the bottom of this runoff, the roads quickly flood and become impassible.
As I made my way down the winding, dirt, hilly, detoured road toward the main road, the rain quickly became much heavier.  The last dirt road which normally quickly floods out wasn't as bad as I had anticipated which led me to believe the main roads would be fine.
What I found, though was I was driving right into the path the storm was coming from and had already been dumped upon for a while.  The main road past MSC and Belmart had sections completely underwater.  As I passed the soccer fields, the houses at the base of the lookout hill we sometimes walk to had rivers flowing through any open source the water could find then crossing to the other side of the street.  Further on, cars sat waiting to creep through sections of road with water up to their doors.  As is custom here, if your car breaks down, you simply get out at the exact spot your problem arose and either call for help or begin fixing RIGHT THERE.  While trying to avoid the deepest water and a few of these problematic cars, I witnessed something slightly alarming in an area along the steep hillside to my right.   Large amounts of dirt dropping from an area that had been previously carved out.   Almost like a small avalanche.
As I slowly made my way around the last turn just a quarter of a mile from our street, I was curious to know what was ahead that was causing traffic to stop and barely move.  When I finally got past the last car stopped in the middle of the road, I could not believe what was causing the delay (aside from the stopped car in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD).
It was the meeting place for water runoff from three different directions one of which was the base of the lookout hill I was traveling around.  Where the three water sources collided was a raging river to my left running directly through a small home and filling and taking over the street below taking with it anything in its path.   As I sat jaw-dropped, praying for our safety as well as those in that little community, a new awareness crept in:  what these people and many others in so many similar areas and many times, much worse living conditions live with every rainy season, two seasons a year.  It's one thing to have an idea of what it might be like or to know that people struggle.  But it's eye opening to actually see the force of the water.  Praying no one lost their life.
I was yet again surprised as I turned onto our road to find it completely flooded as well, more water than I have seen on our street yet.  As I approached our gate, and prepared to drive into the carport full of 6 inches of water,  Jeff stood on Kylie's balcony with push broom in hand.  Her entire room was filled with several inches of water that had blown under her door.  When it is raining and windy, water also comes in our window leading to the roof, runs through the dining room and down the stairs.  This time also running into the kitchen.  I found Sandra mopping that.  Our bedroom had begun to flood, but Jeff was able to stop that with a rolled towel at the base of the door.
Clean up was soon done and dinner was finally ready at 7:30.  It's a hassle to deal with this clean up multiple times a year.  But it's hard to complain much when the reality around us is so much worse and in many cases, dire.
We're thankful for the safety and protection we and many we love have.  Yet just like so many issues here, we're brokenhearted for those that don't.

Our roof drainage system makes for a fun shower!

A view of our street from our balcony

Our street and carport 

"On Mission"

As I reflect on the tremendous sacrifice made by our Savior this Easter, I am humbled by a God that would step off His throne and enter a world where he would be rejected, spat on, beaten, and ultimately crucified by the same people that He created.  He did so because He was on mission.  A mission of reconciling our sin, so we may be worthy of being in the presence of the father.  We are made worthy through the son, not by our own works but only through His.  Jesus came on mission.  That mission was for me and you.  Now the question is, what is our mission and our response to His great love for us.  

I read this last night.  It challenged me to consider my response to His sacrifice.  For those of you that have come served with us in Haiti, you know that this is our hope and prayer for you.  This is our hope and prayer for us as well.  

"Have you ever been on a Short-Term Mission Trip? Wasn’t it fascinating?  For a few days you explore a foreign country with a group of believers and were focused on ministry.  You laughed and ate strange foods and tried to speak the language.  You wept as you witnessed extreme poverty.  Maybe you even suffered through sickness, harsh conditions, or actual persecution.

As nice as it was to return to the comforts of home, there was also a letdown.  You were back in the “real world.”  There was a peace you felt when you did Kingdom work, and then it faded.  You returned to a routine in which you felt much of what you do has no eternal value.  But what if it was possible to prolong the excitement and peace?  What if life could be one continuous mission trip?  Is this even possible in the “real world”?

Not only is it possible, it is what God wants for us.

Do you remember the verse that many of us heard when we first believed?  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

The life God has for us is one of abundance.  It is meant to be full, not repetitive.  He wants us doing things that have eternal impact.  He wants us busy expanding His Kingdom in one way or another, today and everyday.  This doesn’t mean that every Christian should quit his or her job and move to a foreign country.  But it does mean that we need to figure out how to make each day count for His purpose.

Paul said it like this: “No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.”

Don’t most of us do the opposite?  We busy ourselves with “civilian pursuits” and occasionally jump into the battle when we fell compelled.  Kingdom service is something we visit on a mission trip, day of service, or a prayer meeting.  Being entangled in the civilian lifestyle has become the accepted norm.  It is even applauded so long as we can point to some occasional Kingdom activity.  But doesn’t Scripture tell us to live differently?  And wouldn’t your life be more “abundant” if you figure out a way to be on the battlefield everyday?

You maybe looking at your life and assuming you have no other options.  Isn’t a person with bills, family, and responsibilities destined to be “entangled in civilian pursuits”?

Absolutely not.  You and I were made for more."

-Francis Chan

Have a wonderful Easter as we celebrate our risen Savior.

-Jeff   

God's not done with Suzette yet

As Junior and I approached Suzette's house today, we immediately knew something was "up".  A neighbor was there.  Her son whom I haven't seen in most likely a year was there with his wife.  A woman I have not seen before was washing some pans outside.   Someone else was sweeping the floor and yet one more person was making the bed with clean linens.  This scenario forced us to make an assumption we didn't want to make.  I guess you could say we had a little scare.

As we entered Suzette's house, we learned that she had become very sick the past two days and those caring for her weren't sure what was going on.  She obviously had lost weight.  She was wincing in pain, moaning and even brought to tears at one point.  Why does this woman suffer so much?  She has had this suffering for over 3 years.  There are several answers that make sense, yet we ask anyway wanting something more tangible.

My first guess was the cancer taking over.  As they described more symptoms, it sounded like Malaria but unfortunately the test kits we bought are defective.  I wracked my brain to think of what we should/could do to help.  I had no medicines with me, so I thought.  As God has reminded me many times now, he doesn't want me to search for a medical "fix it", but rather, He wants me to simply pray and trust.

As the family members continued their conversations, I laid my hand on Suzette's shoulder and began praying out loud in English, while everyone else went on with their business in the house and caring for Suzette...
          "Come Jesus, Come and take this pain.  Lift this from Suzette just today."  Then I got up and left.

When I got back to the medical building, I was still thinking and asking God for some sort of answers.  Then I remembered the stomach flu that has been going around.  The one that those of us that live here call Haitian Happiness ( 4 people at our house had just had it).  So I went to our first aid box and found some strong pain meds and some rehydration packets so I decided it was worth another walk to Suzette's.
I arrived 15 minutes after I had left the first time to find her resting.  She was still having some pain, but much of it was gone allowing her to lay and rest.  I began asking what they had given her, I didn't want to give her more pain medication if they already had given it and I was trying to figure out what it was that had helped her so much.  "No, we gave her nothing."

In my very human flesh, it didn't occur to me until hours later while I replayed the day in my mind that Jesus did the very thing I implored of Him.  Why is it that when we ask for something many times we are surprised when He gives it?
In Matthew 7:7 Jesus says "Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find.  Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you." (NLT)

Not that God gives us everything just the way we ask for it or the way we picture it, but when He does,  we need a slap in the face to see that it was HIM or we are surprised to see that what we asked for actually is what God gave?

I believe it's part of being human.  But my prayer is that I/we are walking so closely with the father that we just know.  And whether we know immediately or 3 hours later, we know and we can praise Him for it.

 I don't know if he will heal her on earth, but I know he will continue to work through her suffering as long as she has it.  Blessed to be part of Suzette's journey and blessed to have her as part of mine.  She's been part of some many other journeys. I know God is not done with her yet.

Yet again...Came to Haiti to love and was loved.  Came to Haiti to bless and was blessed.  Came to Haiti to give and received.

 Please continue praying for Suzette.

Suzette clinic day 3

 Suzette was very excited when Jacques and I picked her up yesterday morning.  She had been to a big service in Delmas known for healing and the pain in her leg was already starting to feel better.  She also anticipated getting the answers that could come from the trip to the clinic.
We knew a trip to the gynecologist was going to be in order so we registered for that and then began would what turn out to be a four and a half hour wait.  Suzette was a trooper sitting and waiting for that long but pain was setting in.  We finally went in to see the clinic doctor to read the blood test and ultrasound results.   The doctor talked of seeing the gynecologist and then went on to talk further about seeing the oncologist at another hospital.  I was still hopeful that they would do a biopsy that would prove that not necessary.
Another hour wait to see the gynecologist.  After the exam Suzette called Jacques and I into the room so the doctor could share what he found.  The first word in creole I could comprehend was terminal to which Suzette replied "Bondye Kapab (God can)".
The doctor continued talking to Jacques and Suzette and I was still stuck on terminal and Bondye kapab.  The doctor asked why I had brought her, who had referred her.  He should send the rest of the results to that person.  Jacques explained that I have friends that work at the hospital and I just brought her to get help, there was no doctor in Haiti that referred her.  He then proceeded to ask if there was family with her to talk with; no.  Only us.  Suzette then left the room so the doctor could explain further and answer my questions.

The doctor didn't speak English, but he was able to write the diagnosis for me:  Stage IV Cervical Cancer.  Then went on to explain and answer my questions...
"Stage 4.  No treatment.  No biopsy necessary.  The cancer is all through her pelvic area.  She will need very strong pain medication.  She will have a liquid draining from inside that will smell bad.  She has a maximum of 1 year left, more likely, 6-8 months."

In the back of my mind I hear Suzette's voice "Bondye Kapab".

We thanked the doctor for taking the time to explain and left.  Not a whole lot of words spoken in the car, only more questions to ask Jacques about what the doctor said and him taking the time to explain even more.

When we arrived at Suzette's home, she said something to me that I couldn't understand and not sure I do yet:  "God will give this back to you, thank you very much"
Before we said goodbye, she grabbed my arm and said "please pray for my faith to strengthen and if I don't see you in here again, I will see you in Heaven. "

Jacques explained to Suzette's older daughter the diagnosis that came, I couldn't do it.  She already knew.  I had showed her the ultrasound the week before and the nursing education she had was enough for her to understand what was happening, she just hadn't said so.  My prayer is that right now, Suzette's children get on their knees and that God uses this to bring them to a deeper faith as he has done in so many already through Suzette.

As I try to process the events that unfolded yesterday, there is mourning and sadness, but I can't sit in that.  Greater than that, "Bondye kapab".  Whether or not God chooses to heal Suzette doesn't change the fact that He Can and that He is Good!  Suzette clings to the hope she has in Christ no matter what happens to her earthly body.  I continue to learn and be blessed by her faith.

Please pray for Suzette.  Please pray for her faith.  Please pray for God to choose to heal her, I know He can.  Please pray for her family that through this they will know HIM more.


BONDYE KAPAB





 

Suzette's clinic day 2

One step closer…

After a two hour drive to get to the hospital to drop Suzette’s daughter off to get the blood test results, Jacques, Suzette and I drove on to the clinic where we could get the ultrasound done. Two hours later, we returned to the hospital to meet Suzette’s daughter and see the doctor to read the ultrasound and blood test results only to find out I had only left her there with one receipt and there should have been two.  With both receipts in hand,  it was back in line to pay to receive the blood test results. 

Afterward, we waited about a half an hour to see the doctor only to find out we needed to see a gynecologist, not the regular clinic doctor and by the way, the gynecologist is in Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday…NOT TODAY.   So off we go with all paperwork in hand.  Two more hours of driving.  We’ll go back Monday.

Today was frustrating, no doubt, but it is still an honor to be doing this for Suzette.  One of the hardest things is seeing a different side of her.  Normally when she is sitting in her shack on her mattress, she is somewhat comfortable.  But these trips and just walking from her shack to the car and from the car into the hospital is way too much and puts her in so much physical pain she was brought to tears a few times today.  Waiting on God for answers and hopeful for treatment!

Thanks for your prayers, keep them coming!

Suzette's clinic day

Prayers were definitely felt today!  thank you for sending so many prayers.

The drive from here to pick up Suzette then to get to the hospital is 2 hours...with the first hour being light traffic.  What that means for the afternoon is about 3 hours back.  I pray more driving in Haiti than I ever considered it in the states even though driving is slower, it's exhausting and you never know what other drivers will do.  Prayers were felt on the road!

The process at the hospital is like many other processes in Haiti; wait, wait, wait.  We found favor in the first three steps to getting Suzette in to see a doctor.  Many others were waiting much longer, I didn't ask questions as to why or how we got there, just thanked God we did.

For today, Suzette saw a general physician and had blood drawn.  We need to go back Tuesday for the blood test results.

We left there to get an ultrasound done at another clinic about 30-40 minutes away.  When we arrived, we found out the doctor had already left for the day but there was a clinic just next door we could use.  No one told us at the hospital that Suzette should not have any food in her stomach in order to have the ultrasound, she had a pack of crackers on our drive from the hospital to the clinic because it was 12:00.  So, no go for today.

We will go back for the blood test results Tuesday  then we will go for her ultrasound.  perhaps they will order a biopsy at yet another clinic from there, we'll find out.

As I drove Suzette back to her shack in Canaan, she proceeded to explain some of the tests she had just before the earth quake and was never able to go back for the results.  After that, she simply turned to God for healing.   My response to that; "Sometimes God heals people himself and sometimes God uses people and medicine."  She then thanked me for giving up time away from my husband and children to help her and reassured me God would bless me and protect me.  He has already.


Tuesday will be another long day of driving and waiting and seeking answers.  Please continue to pray for doors to open and answers/treatment to be given!

What a treasure to have spent this time with Suzette.  To have been part of a great journey of faith together!  I saw this when I got home today!