Sometimes our lives in Haiti are hard to describe in
words. Sometimes we see things that I
really just need to process before writing about them. Sometimes I can never bring myself to put
things out there to the public. For the
past several weeks, I have been trying to figure out one particular event/or
maybe process and how to think, feel and write about it. I have been putting it off for reasons I
can’t explain although I know people will want to celebrate this with us!
Its Suzette…
If you have followed our blog over the past year, you’ll
know her story well. If you haven’t
please access my previous posts from the
archives about her so you can fully understand this situation. Beginning with “Canaan” from Dec 31, 2010, “Suffering
Can be good” June 5, 2011, “Suzette” Sept 10, 2011, and “Suzette” Sept 27,
2011.
The very first day I sat on the floor of Suzette’s shelter
listening to her story these words stayed with me; “I know God wants heal
me”. For me, one of very little faith,
these words didn’t stick with me because I expected it to actually happen, but
they stayed with me because it was the beginning of Suzette’s lesson for me of
what true faith really is. I believed
God could heal her, but seeing how He used her in her suffering, I didn’t
really know if God wanted to heal her here on earth. Looking back now, I see how little faith I
had and how much faith she had.
My last two trips to see Suzette have been completely
different than any before. I hadn’t been
to see Suzette for two months, the longest stretch without a visit. When I arrived with a group of People in April,
she welcomed us standing in her front yard.
Me: clueless. We then proceeded into the house where
Suzette normally asked someone to help get each of us a chair, this time she
was getting us chairs. Me: still
clueless. Next, I noticed the mat she
normally laid on the floor was missing. Me: starting to finally put things together. I asked Suzette, “where is your mat?” She replied with “it’s gone, I sleep in the
bed now. Me, feeling a bit confused at
this point, but starting to put all these clues together asked her how she was
feeling.
Suzette looked at
me with a slight grin and explained that her pain and bleeding were gone and
she could no longer feel the tumor that had been growing in her. For three weeks, she had been SYMPTOM
FREE. She explained that she didn’t know
if she was completely healed, but she was symptom free. After picking my jaw up off the floor, I
tried to speak, but could only weep. As
I’m trying to pull myself together to just acknowledge God’s faithfulness and
give Him praise, something about Suzette struck me; she wasn’t surprised. She wasn’t surprised at all. She knew it all along and had patiently waited
with anticipation. I was ashamed of
getting to a point after praying with her for almost a year and a half where I
didn’t expect. I didn’t anticipate.
A quiet whisper spoke into me before going there that day
that said “what if we show up and Suzette is better” but I brushed it aside
thinking it was just my wishful thinking. But I still didn’t anticipate. I was also humbled to the ground that God
would allow me to be part of something so significant. Not that he needed me, but that He allowed me
to experience it.
Just two weeks later, while running a clinic I looked up out
the door of the building to see Suzette walking up the road by the church. Before that, part of me wondered if the
symptoms would return. I wondered if the
healing would only be temporary. Seeing
Suzette that day confirmed healing still.
She was energized, practically jogging up the road.
Another week went by and Suzette’s daughter came to clinic
to be seen and asked if we planned to visit her mom, she wasn’t doing
well. She had pain and bleeding
again. All my fears, questions, unbelief
came rushing back. Satan used that moment to enhance my doubt. When we arrived at Suzette’s this time, I
expected to see the scene I had been part of for so many months…Suzette lying
on her mat in great pain and suffering.
Instead, what I saw was the same scene as the previous visit. It turns out Suzette had been working in her
garden the day before, WORKING IN HER GARDEN and experienced some pain, but it
wasn’t the pain she had with the cancer.
For a woman in her 50’s who went from laying on a mat all day everyday
to working in her garden, who wouldn’t have some pain????
Suzette proceeded to share with me her most recent dream
from just the night before (those of you who have been here know Suzette has
dreams often that have messages from God, very significant ones). Someone in the dream told her to ask Madame
Jeff (that would be me, because in Haiti, I don’t have my own name…Jeff thinks
this is pretty funny) to give two injections to heal her wound. It turns out I have no injections what so
ever to give her, but I sensed strongly that God wanted me to pray for complete
healing for Suzette. We gathered around
Suzette and laid hands on her and prayed.
We prayed for more miracles in Suzette.
We prayed for God’s medicine because we didn’t have the medicine she
needed. Now looking back, there are
other times I wish we didn’t have the right medicine for people so we would
rely more on the Holy Spirit for results.
For that time and place, it was that simple. No doubts.
No hesitation. Only faith and
expectancy.
As I wrote in one of my previous posts, “if God heals
Suzette of her cancer, God is God and God is good. If God doesn’t heal Suzette of her cancer,
God is still God and God is still good.
To God be the glory!”
Today I can say, “God healed Suzette, God is God and God is Good! To God be the glory!”
Thank you to so many who have prayed unceasingly for Suzette both here in Haiti and from your own homes!
