Team February left Port-au-Prince early Tuesday morning for Jacmel. Several team members have a sponsor child at Freedom Grace Orphange there, so they were going to meet their sponsor child and to help with some work on the new home for the girls. They've had a good two days so far, other than our car breaking down part way there. They were able to do some work and take the girls to the beach today.
Me being the selfish person I am, admitted to them Monday night that I was slightly jealous that they were going and I had to stay behind...my kids and I are now playing catch up from missing so much school through our move and transition. These little girls are the perfect age for holding and loving, right up my alley, but I will have to go another time.
I was caught between knowing what I need to do & what I am being called to do right now and what I would like to do. I wasn't crazy about staying here by myself...without a car...in a foreign country...with 3 children...teaching school. Teaching school is a whole other story in and of itself. It has been frustrating most days, mainly because we have missed so much and up til now, it has been hard to establish a routine. I always said I could never homeschool. I don't like having to take on the role of teacher and mother, it's confusing to me and to my kids.
God needed to remind me of something. I have been praying for my role here to become more clear for a while now. Sunday, God spoke through Pastor John. He was talking about faith and really spending time alone with God so much that we hear his whisper. So when everything else around us is telling us to do something, but we know God has asked something different of us(because we heard his whisper in our time alone with HIM), we need to have the faith that He will get us through, and we don't listen to the other "things".
Unfortunately for me, I didn't really process this right away. I now know Pastor John was talking to me. I have been called for this year at least to teach my children first. And minister to others second. But, then maybe the ministering is happening here even when I am staying behind and I don't even realize it. Our sponsor Young adult is staying here with me while the team is gone...I have time to talk with her, encourage her, and understand her life better. Viviane is coming tomorrow to cook with me and right now, she could use alittle love and hugs just like those cute little girls in Jacmel.
So I need to stop being selfish and listen for God's whisper...then be ok with what He is whispering!
~Deb
Thanks for sharing your heart open wide ~ this is an area too that has challenged me many times. The Lord has showed me many times (cause it is a long journey :) ) many things in regards to this ~ one we have been taught as women through society in this age that staying home with kids is not valuable or a worthy title and is looked down upon by some~ real under current ~ we place value on what ministry is and what it should look like~ false values ~ its not a real job undertones too ~ I have often felt too that i am missing out on stuff because of what he has asked me to do. But in serving the Lord in my family he it teaching me much and training for ministry to others with it as well ~ I can see you being at home during the mornings will send a unspoken message to others that are seeking help and encouragement to do things as a Mom. You will have ministry with your children and all who enter in <3 to a more private environment of one on one (which people crave :D )
ReplyDeleteI have also had that listening to the whisper of when to go and minister or go to a particular gathering event and He has said no ..to stay at home for family or unknown reasons. It is a journey and I know and trust Papa to give you grace and strength to walk in this journey.
Much love and prayers,
Donna
Thanks for sharing your revealing insights into your own heart about this. Being responsible for your kids' education can feel daunting, stifling, purposeless and much too burdensome all at the same time. But He absolutely is in the midst of it. He will bless you...and your kids...because you are listening to His voice. And even in those times when you feel like you're not doing a very good job of either thing (being a mom or a teacher), he will be honored by your obedience. While he's growing you in this area and preparing you for whatever is next, I'll be praying that you have a deep sense of peace about your role.
ReplyDeleteLove you guys!
Heather