I had another visit to Suzette in Canaan last week. I wrote about her in a previous post in December. My first time there was in December when the team we had there was painting her son's home. Hearing her life story as a single mother, then moving out of the city to Canaan where, for her, life has been more difficult because things aren't as accessible, it wasn't the fact that she was a single mother for so many years in a country that's hard enough as an intact family that really struck me. It was how she is dealing with having uterine cancer. How her faith remains so strong. She was a true testament to me.
I revisted her in April. She said she was doing better, but to me she didn't seem much better. Still we talked with her and prayed with her which was all we could do.
Last week, we had a doctor (Dr. Dave) from Canada staying with us. We took him to Canaan where he and Vanessa planned to do some follow up visits to some patients that had been seen in May. I really wanted to be there for one in particular so I tagged along with my own agenda. Funny, how our own agenda while we think it is really good and maybe it is, sometimes gets squashed by something better. Something bigger. This was one of those days. None of the patients on the list for the day could be found. As we walked around following a Haitian who "knew these families", I saw Suzette's house, which I've managed to stumble upon twice now without knowing where I was going. It was time for another visit.
This time was different. Suzette was clearly in a lot of discomfort and pain. Her spirit was not the same. This disease is definitely taking it's toll. After a bunch of conversation, Dr. Dave was able to do an exam on Suzette and confirm that yes, most likely it is cancer. Not really anything we can do other than give her something to help her with the pain.
So as a few times before in Canaan, I find myself in a place where all there is to offer is prayer. My instinct is to want to DO, GIVE. Isn't that how many of us respond when we see a need? We want to throw our resources at the problem and fix it. Not in this place. God has put me in my place in Canaan to show me HE doesn't need my resources. He needs me. He needs me to have faith so others can see faith. He needs me to humble myself enough so He can be praised.
I can't stand to see this sister in Christ suffer so much. I don't understand it. I can't comprehend it. I completely believe God can heal her. She believes He will heal her. But, sometimes healing isn't granted until we walk through the door into heaven. Everytime I leave Suzette's house, I have to take a minute to catch my breath, like I just got punched in the stomach.
We had a guest speaker at Port-au-Prince Fellowship today. Low and behold, he was talking about suffering. Pastor John said something that really rang true to me as I have been processing our visit to Suzette..."what we think is good is that which makes us feel good. God's definition of good is that which brings us closer to Jesus."
Whether God heals Suzette on this side of heaven or not, her suffering is not in vain. She is very close to Jesus in it and it is contagious to those who spend time with her and that is GOOD!
Blessings,
~Deb
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