Returning to Haiti

Coming back to Haiti...

     It's been 3 1/2 months since I was here.  It felt strange yet normal driving from the airport to the guesthouse.  First the language, then the traffic, the smells of Haiti, the beautiful mountains painting the backdrop to streets lined with people, market, garbage, and vehicles...all normal yet foreign.  This life is a mixture of comfort and turmoil.  Turmoil created with all that is taken in a few short hours of arriving back in this land that was my home for 3 years.  

     My first return to see the kids was a sweet sweet reunion with squeals, hugs and kisses even from our oldest boys (well maybe not the squeals).  They are doing great!  School has started back up this month so the kids are on a tight schedule of school and studying.  Only the littlest ones have much time to play.

    Going to Canaan brought me back to the progress of building relationships and structures over the course of our time in Haiti.  These buildings have tremendously helped the community move forward.  

     Suzette…

            What a beautiful and secure house Jeff and his crew built for her!  She is so very grateful for the resources and time given for this.  I am grateful for all who helped make it happen, she has a peaceful place to finish her days on earth. 

     Suzette is fading.  For three years, I watched as cancer took over her body.  She is only a skeleton now filled with tumors.  She is in constant pain, but with God’s strength, she is coping.  We took some more pain meds to help her bear the worst of it.  Her conversation was labored.  Her body is so weak, but she continues to walk this suffering so very closely with Christ.  It’s what carries her.  I can only pray now for her suffering to end.  I left Suzette for the first time in almost 3 years without telling her I would be back.  I kissed her cheek knowing it would be the last.  I pray now for her grand entrance into eternal celebration.  I’m forever grateful for the time spent with Suzette!

     I said “see you later” to the Good Sam kids last night.  It’s always hard to leave them and look forward to coming back to see them.  But I am missing my family a ton and am ready to get back to them.  From one world to another in just a few short hours. 

     Thank you so much Kelly and Melinda for taking this journey with me this week!

   

God's disruption

     My last post was on August 12 and it was more ministry related.  Nothing personal.  I, we have been silent.  I keep seeing blogs from others still in Haiti and some who also have moved back to the states and I can't seem to find any words to put on the screen.  Silence.  It's not fair to those who have been following the ministry and our family.  But I haven't been able to find words to describe the crazy mix of events and emotions we have been working through.  We have been processing this transition through with complete rest in God.  To sum up when asked face to face "how are you doing being back?" is impossible.  To attempt to write in a few words without totally confusing everyone seems insignificant, but I will try.  I need to try because I leave to go back to Haiti on Saturday for five days.  With this return trip, I am taking the next step in processing this move.
     God has been such a huge part of AWAKENHAITI and our family through our move to and now back from Haiti.  While there is peace in being here, there are many things we are relearning or trying to learn differently.  While we know God is asking us to rest, he continues to show us little by little where we go from here.  While there is contentment, there is discomfort.  Haiti is hard.  Haiti is broken. Haiti has a lot of evil and things we don't understand.  But the United States is hard and broken and has many evils as well, they all just look very different.  Now we take what we have experienced and what we have seen and try to figure out how to live here somewhat differently than we did before because in some ways we are different.  You can't possibly live in and through another culture and remain the same.
     I so appreciated the wise words spoken by Pastor Doug Sider this past Sunday; "Sin and evil disrupt life.  God's movement disrupts life as well.  Divine intervention is unsettling and disruptive".  Haiti disrupted our lives.  The good, the bad and the ugly disrupted our lives.  But mostly, God moving disrupted our lives.  Pastor Doug also said, "God delivers us not from something but into something".   We continue to seek God's plan and what he is delivering us into.  We know he is working and moving.  We know he will disrupt our lives again both here and in Haiti, but we have learned how great his grace and peace can be in the disruption.
     I wrote a post in July after returning from Haiti about my last visit with Suzette (for those who have not yet read about Suzette, I have written several posts about her in the past.  She is in stage 4 cervical cancer), but at the time, I couldn't share it.  Now, before I return to visit her, I need to share it.  My last visit with Suzette was perhaps my most significant moment in our 3 years in Haiti because God used Suzette to disrupt my life.  Here it is.

Saying Good bye to Suzette

     Of all the experiences in Haiti thus far, this day was perhaps the most meaningful one.   I was going to see Suzette for the last time for several months or for the last time until we meet in Heaven but I didn’t process before-hand what that would feel like or even what we would say to one another.  I had not even told Suzette yet that we were moving back to America. 

     We greeted one another and I asked how she was feeling.  She seemed to be having a fairly good day.  Her eyes were wide and filled with her usual joy as she lay on her back listening to Lys as she translated from behind what I was explaining.  Suddenly her smile faded and tears began streaming down Suzette’s face.  As I fumbled my way through tears and an explanation of what our family would be doing, she was crying, Lys was crying, and the nurse with me was also crying.  I looked down to also see my precious Brooke crying.  What a sweet moment. 

     Suzette understood all of the reasons of course for our family to be going back to our country and our family and friends. 

     I began telling Suzette that out of all of my experiences in Haiti, she had blessed me the most.  She has challenged my faith and helped me in my journey through her strength and perseverance.  The fact that while everything else around her was falling apart, her faith and joy grew stronger showing me true faith.  It’s a huge blessing. 

     Suzette then thanked me for visiting her over the years.  She said her family doesn’t come around too often and God sent me to lift her.  What a humbling gift to me.

     Through the few years I visited Suzette, she would sometimes share dreams she had with me, dreams that had a message from God.  They were so special and I always felt so privileged to hear them.  So on this last visit she had one last dream to tell me about.  Just the night before, she had a dream that she had met a young woman along a road.  The young woman said to her “ I have traveled with you through some very difficult times and much suffering and now I will set you on a good path.”  At that moment, we made eye contact and without any spoken words, we both knew I was the young woman in the dream. 

     I now know that whatever the good path is:  physical healing or physical death, it’s ok.  I go back to one of my previous posts about Suzette...A man named Zak that had cancer once said, "if God chooses to heal my cancer, God is God and God is Good. If God chooses not to heal my cancer, God is still God and God is still good. To God be the glory."

There’s peace for both of us.  Peace for both of us to know whatever it is, it is better than the past three years have been.  There is peace in knowing my time, my season with her as it was is finished.  I can leave with peace.  I am so grateful for this dream and that she shared it with me.  Because of that dream, I was able to leave Haiti filled with peace.   

Last visit to Suzette's June 27, 2013

Suzette's new home!

What a huge blessing both to Suzette and to AWAKENHAITI!  When many come together giving, loving, serving, big things happen!

Suzette has blessed so many people over the last 2 1/2 years and it was an honor to turn that around for her.  She has been such a testament of faith and trust in Christ through adversity, sickness, poverty, and struggle to so many.

From a broken-down shelter to a solid, secure home in just a few short weeks...
Thank you to so many who gave financially, gave time, or prayers!  Suzette has been blessed with a new home and an outdoor kitchen providing much needed protection!  Finances were raised mostly by team members or those supporting them and a few weeks ago we asked for additional donations to assure the covered kitchen and final touches could be complete.  An additional $2,370 came in.    AWAKENHAITI' s project fund with the additional funds and the two teams' project money, we were able to complete this beautiful new home for Suzette.

She is so happy!  She loves her new home and the security it provides!  She thanks God for all of you who were part of it in any way!  Please continue to pray for Suzette as she battles with cancer taking over her body and as she so desires to walk closely with God through it.  Please also be in prayer for her family, that they would also realize the faith she has.

THANK YOU!

Suzette's shelter since the earthquake in 2010

A new secure home!

The outdoor kitchen where Suzette's family will cook over charcoal, but will be out of the sun!

Suzette enjoying her new porch!

Join the Journey...Suzette

     Many of you have either met Suzette, have heard some of her story, or have been reading about her on the blogs.  We have talked about the countless people she has blessed in some way and that has continued even through my last visit with her before returning to the U.S. 

     For about a year now, one of Suzette’s prayer requests has been for better housing. Her roof sounds as though it will blow off with the winds of Canaan.  Water comes in many places along the walls and runs down and into her home every time it rains.  A few months ago, I noticed part of the floor caving in.   Now there is a hole through the floor. 

     Suzette has been such a huge blessing to AWAKENHAITI, we now want to turn around and bless her with a more secure home!  With funds raised by Team July II and Team August I, Jeff and his Haitian crew will began the stone/concrete foundation this week!   The two teams will be helping to build the house from the foundation.  

     We would love for you to join us in blessing Suzette!   Beyond the funds the two teams have raised, we need an additional $4,000.  We would love for you to join us in reaching this goal to complete the house and a covered outdoor kitchen.

     There are two things you can do to be part of this:

1)  Make a financial donation to AWAKENHAITI by August 1st

      

     a. checks can be made payable to AWAKENHAITI please note “Suzette” in the  

          memo line and mail to :

              P.O. Box 951

              Carlisle, PA 17013

      b. online at:

           AWAKENHAITI

2)   Card shower:  if you are making a donation and would like to send a note to

       Suzette letting her know how she blessed you, that you are praying for her, or 

       other thoughts, please mail by August 1^st to:

           

           AWAKENHAITI

           P.O. BOX 951

           Carlisle, PA 17013

AWAKENHAITI is so excited to provide this blessing for Suzette and we thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, and for Joining the journey!

~The AWAKENHAITI team

Saying Goodbye

     What a whirlwind of a couple of weeks.  I wanted to get on here and write before the girls and I flew back to PA, however, schedule, illness, teams, and packing kept getting in the way.  Not to mention the emotions I was trying to sift through.  I don't think I could have put into words what I was thinking or feeling over the last few weeks.  There was an underlying sense of peace through all of the sadness, heartache, excitement, questions, and unknown.  There were many moments of "this is the last time...". While there were lasts, there is also the yet to come.  One thing that makes this transition easier is the knowledge that I'm not really saying goodbye, just see ya later.  While there will be more time between visits with special people, there is a future to what this ministry is.  And there is great peace in that!
     It was hard to say goodbye to the kids at Good Sam, but I know I'll see them in a few short months. It was hard to say goodbye to our Haitian staff, God has gifted us with such wonderful people, but I will see them in a few short months too.  Perhaps the hardest goodbye was Suzette.  I will write about our time together very soon.  It is one of my most treasured times in Haiti.
     The kids and I are in our new home.  We have rented a nice home in a new neighborhood where the kids will have lots of other kids around and tons of space to ride bikes.  What a huge blessing!
They will have the summer to settle in and transition before they begin the next endeavor; public school!

    Jeff is still in Haiti leading another 4 teams, selling our furniture, packing the rest of our things to send back to PA, and moving the guest house to a new location.  He has a lot on his shoulders without his family there.  Please pray for strength, endurance, and peace as he finishes this phase of our journey.    Please pray for our family as we are apart and as we anticipate Jeff joining us in PA.

thank you and blessings!!

Suzette

     I've been searching for the words.  Words that can describe time with Suzette last week.  I'm not sure I can find them now, but I know many of you think about her and pray for her.
     It had been two months since I had visited Suzette.  How had it gone that long?  With staff changes, I was unable to go to Canaan between teams because I needed to pour all of that time into homeschooling.  Unfortunately, in May, our clinics ran too late in the day and we just didn't get there.  I say all of that because I had no idea what I would find after not seeing Suzette for that long.  I was afraid of what I might find.
     As soon as I stepped into Suzette's home, she welcomed me as usual from her mat, not able to sit completely upright.  She was determined to point out to me over and over how much weight she had lost by pinching the sagging skin on her arms.  There's no longer much between the skin and bone.  She also proceeded to show me where she is having pain and the swelling in the lower part of her legs.
     She can't sit upright because it is too painful.  She can only find a little comfort in laying on her one side in fetal position.  She is still caring for her 10 month old granddaughter, Naika while the 16 year old mother goes to school and is gone most of the rest of the time.  Naika will soon be walking.  Physically, Suzette won't be able to care for her much longer.  In her spirit though, Naika is probably one of the things that keeps her going.  She loves her so much!
     Suzette remains more concerned for her broken family than her physical brokenness.  Broken because they don't know her savior.   Her heart aches for them.  Her heart aches for her son's family who get by on very little while he is hours away trying to find work to support them.  It's unclear if he really wants to live with them but he is trying to provide.  But God knows all of this and will provide what is needed.
     All this brokenness and hurt surrounding Suzette.  Yet her spirit is strong.  She clings to God's promises.  She can feel Him so close, even more when she is at her worst.  When the pain gets to be too much, she turns to Him.    As I reflect on the conversation, one sentence continues to replay in my mind; "when the pain gets worse, I pray and it lessens".  I was reminded of Isaiah 40:31:  "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint".
     I only weep for her physical condition because there is hope.  Hope for eternity with her God whether her healing is here on earth or in heaven.  If she lacked this hope, there would be weeping for her soul.  I weep because I think "God, enough is enough, when is it enough?"  As her body gets weaker, her soul gains strength.   So there must be purpose to this suffering.
In her weakness, she is strong and still teaches me and many others what true faith is.  Perhaps that's the most beautiful part.
Keep praying!

I can't post the picture from last week because I feel like I would be disrespecting her.  Instead I want you to see her how she will be when her suffering is done.  On earth or in heaven.

October 2011

April 2012